Is this it? Is two kids all we are going to have?
I saw a therapist once a few months back and she asked me if I ever asked myself that, "Is two it? Is two enough? Would you be okay if you couldn't have more?"
No. No. Two is not enough. This cannot be it. I'm just not satisfied. I never did go back to the therapist. I wasn't willing to give up the hope of having more kids nor was I willing to stop trying just to get medicated. Instead, I prayed. I prayed, a lot. I asked my friends to pray for me as well. It helped.
Not having more kids, and being ok with it, is something I really struggled with. It's not the "picture perfect" family that I had envisioned for us. Are you living the life you envisioned or are you struggling too? Maybe you are single or divorced and are still searching, hoping, praying for that perfect person to come in your life. Maybe you haven't landed that perfect job yet. I have a college degree but yet I wiped 5 little butts this morning within 10 minutes---I can assure you this is not where I planned to be. But maybe there's a way to enjoy life no matter where we are...
Dave Bartlett spoke at Orchard Hill Church and said this, "Pause. Pray. Choose Joy." Those words have really stuck with me and how easy is that to remember?
When I just cant find the time to shower, my kids get up at 4 am, a child throws an entire bowl of cereal on the floor, I'm moody with my husband and short with my kids, my house is a disaster, when I forget to pay a bill on time, or when depression hits hard... Pause. Pray. Choose joy. Saying it just allows me to breathe. It calms me. Some days, my life is far from what I intend it to be and I am sure God is laughing down at my effort to rock this gig I have going on but this is the life He gave me. I am still here, showered or not, clean house or messy house, I'm still here. God intends for me to live this life. Actually LIVE it. I cant just have my life stop because I want another baby. No, I need to enjoy this life and be happy for the crazy way it's going. There is so much joy in this life and you just have to see it. Live it. Be it. I. Choose. JOY.
Psalm 28:7 "The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him."
James 1:2-3 "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness."
Have you ever watched God paint a sunset? It is so beautiful. Perfect, actually. It's a work in progress as the night draws near and the process is just as beautiful as the final image.
Our life is like a never ending painting that God is creating--the process is intended to be just as beautiful as the final image. Perhaps our life with two boys is just a stroke of the paint brush and He is just not done painting our family portrait yet.
Pause. Pray. Choose Joy.
Our life is a beautiful painting that God is still creating. So sit back and enjoy this Life and praise God everyday you get to live it!
XOXO
-Alicia
This is fantastic and something I definitely needed to read right now. Thank you!
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